Saudade
by Saddles18
Summary: "A feeling of longing for something that has been lost, something loved then lost." Jenna cried on Bumblebee's hood, his engine softly rumbling under her, "Bumblebee?". "Yeah sweetspark?" "Have you ever lost something or someone you loved and know you'll never get it back." She could feel Bumblebee settle lower on his tires, his chassis rumbling, "Yeah my home." AU.
1. Chapter 1

_Authors Note: Hello my readers and followers, I'm not exactly new to fanfiction, but it has been a few years since I have updated any of my stories let alone started a new one. This introduction is just introducing my OC and giving you a feel of her personality, so please bare me with it's a bit long! Oh, and please do leave a review, any suggestions or ideas you have, I'm always willing to hear._

 _P.S I dont have a spell check program, so bear with me._

 _Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers, or any of its affiliations, only my plot and OC's._

Every morning started out the same typical way, alarm blaring and that brief flash of intense irritation, before she let out a sigh deciding to force herself to go to a job she didn't really wanna be at. Those were the great mornings to be waking up to, there was other mornings she would wake up to the sounds of explosions still ringing in her ears, the fast zips of bullets narrowly missing their mark, and the sound of her own screams in real life echoing after the cries of fallen comrades. Both these mornings ended with a sigh outside a beat up old pickup truck with a two tone brown color, its purring engine a last reminder, that she needed to keep it together and blend in with the crowd.

" _Who'd had thought that civilian life would be more of chore than soldiering?"_ , she thought slamming the stuck driver's side door a little harder than necessary, locking out the winter chill with the truck's heater blazing full blast on the dash.

In the drivers mirror she glanced at her own reflection, a red polo shirt with a fast food logo, name badge in boldly printed letters, **Jenna** , " I never thought I'd be saying this outloud to myself, but I hope they call me back soon. I just don't get how people can go back to life like it is all normal or something?"

Her phone blinging caught her attention as she pulled into the driveway at work and parked in the far lot, "out of customers way." Anxiously Jenna unlocked her screen, it was Nick, unconsciously she smiled, her boyfriend was like her stone among the torment her PTSD caused her. Always there for her, open arms waiting.

* _I miss you baby, I'm using your phone now had my bud at work fix it.*_

Jenna went to reply, pausing to glance at Russel walking inside the restaurant to start his shift, * _Hey to you Nick boi, I miss you to, tell your coworker thanks for me I'll be looking forward to seeing you after work 4 sharp ;)*_

She shoved her phone in the front pocket of her black slacks, feeling the familiar buzz of Nick's reply, _"I'll just check that out on my break, breath Jenna, it is just a couple hours, then we can both go home and relax."_

Isn't it funny how hours always just seem to drag at work? Yet your days off fly by in a blink of eye. Well it was one of those days at work, Jenna leaned back on the heels of her black tennis shoe clad feet, glancing around to see if there was any customers at the doors or any cars pulling in. The coast was clear, so she darted out to fill the sauces, then rushed back behind the counter, blue eyes searching again for any was none, so she would dart back out to fill or clean something quickly and then return promptly back behind the counter.

This repeated for the duration of her short shift, making her internally roll her eyes, she glanced back up at the clock, least the 1000th glance showed it was finally time to go home to Nick. Using the biometric thumbprint scanner to the side of the register she clocked out, taking a brief minute on the way out to her truck to glance at the text Nick had sent her earlier.

* _I'll be here*_

Jenna had just put her hand on the silver door handle of her Chevy truck, when Nick's phone starting ringing, her brow furrowing when she saw the name, Mia.

" _Mia? Who the fuck is Mia Nick?! Much less why is she from your contacts?"_

Jenna decided to take matters into her own hands, her right hand clutching the silver iphone, calluses from years of handling heavy rifles and pistols, flexing around the device as she answered with a overly uppity tone, "Hello?"

"Hey Nick baby am I still seeing you tonight? What's the excuse to your girlfriend this time? I cant wait till I feel you again."

Jenna opened her mouth, her heart rate climbing as the unfiltered rage clouded her mind, paying no mind as she hung up tossing the phone roughly inside the cab of her truck. She sat back closing the door to give more privacy to her racing thoughts, her brunette hair tickling the edges of her face, her expression coldly masked in neutrality.

" _After all this time, it was all just some fucking act, what some facade to mask I'm what his side woman?! After all those fuckin bills I paid for him with this shit ass minimum wage job, all those times he comforted me after an episode, he just goes behind my back… alright Nick."_

Traitorous tears built up in her eyes one snaking its way down her face as her rampant uncontrolled thoughts, _"I guess he won't be caring when he finds me long gone, called back overseas, maybe that's the only real home I've ever had."_

Jenna took the old worn key jabbing it into the ignition, once again the sound of her running truck, the only familiar comfort. She remembered someone once telling her that once you see death, more so the first time you take somebody's life in war, you will never forget that once face ever. She tried to hide it, but she always felt isolated from the others around her, she was too different and this life was too different to what she had been trained to do, to what she had done.

She drove till she hit a local park, parking on the outer edge, watching the snowfall fall in tiny snowflakes, warning of an approaching blizzard, before grabbing Nick's cracked phone off the floor boards.

She hit the dial pad, hitting a complicated sequence of numbers letting it ring till a deep voice answered, "Hello Rogers, didn't take you long to decide. When will we be seeing you soldier?"

"As soon as you're able to sir, what's the new assignment?", Jenna asked her eyes glancing off in the distance memories replaying across them.

The voice on the other line laughed, "I'll be seeing you 0500 two days from now Jenna…", they paused and Jenna could hear the clear smile in his tone, "Welcome to NEST Jenna Rogers."

A/N: _I'm aware this intro may be a bit tedious to read and was a bit longer than I'd like but I had to include all the important bits, and it is gonna be a bit more AU Transformers Fic, let me know if I should continue or not?_


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: _Just so you are aware this is more AU, but I will try to keep all the characters in character. Please leave your thoughts._

Disclaimer: _I own nothing of Transformers or its affiliations._

Jenna stared at Nick's cell phone after she had the cut with Agent Fowler, before starting the old truck up, and heading to their one bedroom apartment, behind a small grocery store in a rather shady part of town. As she pulled into the driveway, she was internally relieved that Nick wasn't home from work yet, his blue Subaru missing from in front of the dingy white garage. Her black tennis shoes crunching the ice under her feet, little cracks spidering out from the pressure, just like her heart.

She took another key off her pantside, and stuck in the front door jiggling it around till she heard the signature click, letting herself in promptly she went straight for their room not looking around, as to avoid the painful memories they had created here. It was like a freshly plucked rose, they were something beautiful once, but in time it eventually wilted like all things plucked too early.

She dug around the dip in the wooden paneled wall they called their closet, and grabbed a black duffel bag, patting the gathering dust off of it, it had been packed and ready to go. Just waiting to go home, like she was. She grabbed a camo hat, patting it clean too, placing it on properly she stood straight glancing at herself in the wall mirror beside the closet, _guess it's time no point in sticking around, and definitely no explanations owed to that asshole._

 _I don't even recognize myself anymore._

In life we never really know what is around the corner, but she chose to believe that it had to be good, and if only she knew what was waiting. We never really are alone.

The plane ride to Jasper, Nevada wasn't really eventful, and neither was the town from the looks of it. Just a speck on a map, and damn a whole lot of sand and boring. She walked to the only restaurant she could find KO's Burgers, sitting down inside the small lounge, after thanking the young man at the counter, Jack. Fast food was never really her thing, but she was so hungry anything would satisfy.

She wasn't startled when Fowler sat across from her, he had a knack for knowing where people where.

"So Rogers."

She paused mid bite, glancing up into his brown eyes, "So Fowler, not that I'm not happy to see you and all, but what exactly am I doing here?"

You could see the mirth in his eyes, it was refreshing to be back in an old friend's company, "I just thought you were best suited for the job, and I need a extra pair of eyes and hands I could trust. I've seen what you can do in action Rogers, and I'm gonna need that woman back on the field."

Jenna set her burger down, her right hand subcounsciously going to scratch a peculiar marking she has had as long as she could remember, a nervous tick, "I don't want to be that person again Fowler, you remember what happened last time? I don't want to be responsible for others anymore."

Fowler leaned closer in, "Look Jenna what happened is in the past, no more running. Let's wrap it up here I have to introduce you to your new team."

She sighed, _didn't even get to finish my burger…_

"Alright fine where's our ride?"

Fowler pointed to the right, the front parking outside the burger joint, a yellow and black camaro sat gleaming. _I'd say if a car could have personality, it seems damn proud to be there, shining in the sun like that._

"Here Jenna I'll take your bag and set it the trunk, go ahead and get comfortable, I know how you like a muscle car."

Jenna didn't even wait a breath, sitting down in the front passenger seat, admiring the black leather finish and the smell of fresh wax and polish.

Bumblebee watched the woman, Jenna as he was debriefed before, check out his interior. He had sensed some strange readings off the woman, she almost gave off a faint signature of energon, _but also could be the fact I just got done retrieving energon not that long ago. Maybe should notify Optimus and Ratchet when I get a moment._

Jenna couldn't shake the feeling she was being watched, she almost jumped when she realized they were now turning out of the parking lot onto the open highway. She glanced over at Fowler, _uh oh he has that look like he is about to interrogate somebody._

"Whatever it is just spit it out."

"It's just you where rather quick to agree to coming, I thought you had yourself paradise built there, so… uh what happened?" Fowler asked, awkwardly glancing back to the road.

Bumblebee perked up in interest, even he was curious about what happened to the fiery femme Fowler had told them all about, she didn't seem so fiery. 

"I loved somebody that didn't deserve my time. I'm done loving when it seems I'm hella lot better just fighting."

Tense silence filled the camaro, the radio popped on playing a tune.

" _Everybody's got a blank page,_

 _A story they're writing today,_

 _A wall that they're climbing,_

 _You can carry the past on your shoulders,_

 _Or you can start over."_

Jenna turned out the music, it was a nice distraction from the tense atmosphere, and her own thoughts.

 _I don't exactly know why this femme's sadness bothers me so much, guy sounds like a scrap heap if you ask me,_ Bumblee mused to himself feeling sadness and a tinge of anger pang through his spark.

He chided himself, reminding not to blow his cover, and rev his engine up angrily, he picked up in speed,the purr of the paved road beneath his tires.

 _Or you can start over._

A/N: _Lyric credit goes, to the song Start Over Feat. Flame, I don't own the lyrics. Please leave a review!_


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